How to Deal with Nap Refusal
With a 4.5 and 2 year old, nap time is still the most sacred time in our household! I remember all the time and effort I put into nap training both Liam and Aiden when they were babies and here we are now and they are still napping…. It was all worth it!
On this blog, we will talk about:
why naps are important
why do babies suddenly refuse naps
why your toddler may be refusing a nap
nap strikes
why your baby is refusing the last nap
how to get your baby to settle for a nap
how to know if you need to drop a nap
what to do if baby refuses a nap
how to deal with a nap refusal in the moment.
Why are naps important?
Research states that naps can improve baby’s memory, helps with emotional regularity and supports greater flexibility in learning.
Naps are also great for the caregiver! Not only does it help our babies, nap / quiet time allows for the caregiver to be more present with them when they are awake. It allows for you to disconnect and refresh!
Here’s some research if you like that kind of thing 🤓
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/01/150113090322.htm
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2006.01764.x
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1365-2869.2011.00962.x
This isn’t to say your child will ALWAYS need a nap— even quiet time has it’s benefits. Things like:
unstructured play time for development
improves learning and memory function
revitalizes the body and mind
regulates mood
Some more benefits and studies about quiet time are linked here!
If you’re struggling to implement quiet time with your little one, check out that blog here.
As wonderful as naps are they do take some time click! Babies need lots of time and practice to connect sleep cycles…. and then there are also NAP REFUSALS! 😩
Because the drive to sleep is so much lower during the day, babies are usually most successful learning how to fall asleep at bedtime and then transferring that skill to nap time. Therefore, we suggest starting nap training AFTER independent sleep has been practiced or mastered at bedtime. It is usually results in less time to fall asleep for the nap and less naps are refused.
Why do babies suddenly refuse naps?
Babies and naps are like the wild west. Sometimes there’s just no rhyme or reason to it! They may skip a nap one day and then be totally fine the next day. But some reason they may suddenly refuse naps include:
Your baby doesn’t have an optimal sleep environment. *make sure the room is dark as cave, cool and white noise.
Your baby isn’t tired enough (undertired) *If your baby got more sleep than necessary overnight or did something really stimulating right before you tried putting them down (like played all morning at the park and you try to transition straight to nap time), they may not be tired enough to nap. Try winding them down more gradually before nap time and making sure they’re not sleeping too much at night.
Your baby is too tired (overtired) *if you miss their nap window or go over their ideal wake window length, their body can give them a second wind via cortisol making it even harder to relax and fall asleep
Your baby isn’t taking the right number of naps for his / her age *this goes along with being under or over tired; too many naps with too little wake time or too much day time sleep = under tired and not enough naps with too high of wake time or too little sleep = overtired
Regressions *the 12 month sleep regression usually presents with nap refusals - but most babies will return to taking both naps after 1-2 weeks)!
why your toddler may be refusing a nap
Toddlers, in one word, have FOMO (fear of missing out).. Because that drive to sleep is so much lower, they have more willpower to keep themselves awake during a nap and just not fall asleep. They have so much to see and do (and look forward to) that despite being tired and ready to sleep, they just don’t.
Also, this is where they start to understand they have actual choices and is their own person; meaning, they can assert their control and independence by simply not going to sleep.
What are ways to troubleshoot why your toddler may be refusing a nap?
Check the schedule; most times, a 2+ year old will only need 1 nap a day, and a max of 12-13 hours of sleep in 24 hours. That means if they’re sleeping 12 hours overnight, they may not have any sleep pressure or drive left for a nap during the day. Shortening their night may mean they have some room left in their sleep tank for a nap.
Check the environment; if they can find something to distract themselves from sleep, they probably will
How you react to their nap refusal; if your child refusing to nap causes you to panic and intervene (ahhh they HAVE to take a nap!!!) then habits can creep in and they can expect that to be their new normal for sleep.
They may really just not need a nap anymore and that’s OKAY! It doesn’t mean you have to give up that break in the middle of the day, always give them that down time as a quiet time break.
Nap Strikes
There are times a baby or toddler may go through a “nap strike” where they refuse the nap for 1-3 weeks and then go back to napping again as if they never stopped. This is most common around the ages of 2-3 years old for a lot of the reasons above! If a younger baby is suddenly refusing all naps, it could just be a developmental regression or a sign of needing to transition to less naps.
why your baby is refusing the last nap
When a baby is on multiple naps a day (2+), then as it approaches time to transition to less naps, the biggest sign is often refusing that last nap of the day. This is because their sleep tank is either full from previous naps or they’re just no tired enough to take that cat nap that’s supposed to bridge to their night time sleep.
The drive to sleep at that time of the day is naturally at its lowest.so it’s easy to happily refuse to go to sleep on their own for this nap. However, some kids absolutely do still need that last nap of the day! Mine have all gone through that phase and I had to “force” the nap by assisting them to sleep and contact napping for the nap or going for a drive, stroller walk, etc to make it happen for a little bit longer.
Here are some helpful blogs on nap transitions:
how to get your baby to settle for a nap
As we’ve established, naps are hard! If the right puzzle pieces aren’t in place, it makes it even harder. If you don’t have an independent sleeper yet, that’s okay. Try to make sure you’re regulated when it’s time to get them down for sleep (you could even put in some air pods and listen to a meditation while you’re helping them to sleep). All the other puzzle pieces are still important!
Cool and dark room with loud enough white noise
Well timed with appropriate number of naps
Limited day sleep to allow for the amount of naps they need to happen
Nap routine to help them wind down and prepare for sleep
If you do have an independent sleeper, make sure you’re giving them time to settle before intervening and that your intervention is truly helpful (aka not overstimulating and keeping them awake!)
how to know if you need to drop a nap
The biggest sign of any nap transition will be just refusing to take the nap! Which is why you’re here 😅 but, if they’re around the appropriate age to drop the nap, it’s probably fine to do so! Make sure you check out that nap transition blog linked above to answer all those questions (and know the other signs as well)!
what to do if baby refuses a nap
First of all, don’t panic! Repeat the mantra “It’s my job to offer sleep, it’s their job to take it.”
You don’t have to feel like you have to force them to sleep all the time. Remember that sleep latency (the amount of time it takes to fall asleep) is around 5-20 minutes so if it’s taking that amount of time, that’s okay.
If they have totally refused the nap and you’ve done crib hour then follow the instructions in that blog!
If you haven’t done crib hour (and maybe you’ve been helping them to sleep), then take a little 30 minute break to reset everyone and try again.
how to deal with a nap refusal in the moment?
Plans are everything! Meaning if I know that if X happens, then I do Y, i”m more apt to follow through in a calm manner. That’s what matters most!
Know how long you’re willing to let them try to nap (and I’m sure it matters if they’re happily refusing or not)
What you’ll do after the fact (will you try the nap again if there’s time or just do an early bedtime)
Know what you’ll do in between nap attempts or if you’ll get them up and get them ready for bed
Those are the main factors to consider— there’s no right or wrong answer (other than it’s probably best to choose an early bedtime over a later nap and later bedtime!)
If you’re really struggling with nap refusals, getting a child used to quiet time, or need some help with a nap transition, check out all my packages and set up a consult to find the best fit!
